I started dieting when I was 13, then began extreme dieting at 14 until I was 16 I went into recovery for a few months then when I started college became severely addicted to weight loss, I had always purged but I began to use alot of laxatives by the and of college at 18 my weight was to 8st 10, I was hospitalised for three weeks. my weight went up to 9st 6 and then dropped again to 8st 12. I was hospitalised again (both times I was restricted to the hospital but was not sectioned as I knew either way I'd end up there and this way I'd still be able to adopt later in life if I had done enough damage to my fertility to warrant it) my weight rose to 9st 8 prior to release and i maintained that weight until I went away to university, my weight dropped again to just under 9 stone and I was taken out of uni by my family, I was then enrolled into the ED clinic and received therapy three times a week. my weight continued to rise and my depression got much worse. For three months I binged and purged all day long and my weight rose to 9st 12. I decided something had to be done so I left the country and went to work abroad, I lost the weight again but began to suffer from seizures and black outs more frequently so I had to return to England. When I got back all the things I had successfully ran away from were still there and I binged, purged and cried for 5months barely leaving the house. I attempted suicide twice, but couldn't bare the thought of them carrying a heavy coffin down the aisle, I didn't want to live but I also didn't want to die in this state, my suicide method will be slow until I reach the end; light as an angel. I am currently re-enrolled at a local university but struggling to keep myself motivated to attend and under close observation by my family. I am bigger than I've ever been and more depressed than ever, so I'm back to my old ways, recovery only made me more depressed and for the first time in ages I am beginning to feel happy. I realise that for me the only way I can be happy is with Ana in my life.